Well, 1½ months ago I went to visit an aquaintance, Suad. Suad had a mom cat and 5 kitten, possibly more. He asked me if I had seen another guy, Rari, with a kitten. I said no, I just saw him, it is my neighbour, but I did not see any cat. He kept on rambling about the cat for a while, I knew nothing of it. He seemed kinda angry that his cat was kidnapped or uhm… catnapped.
Eventually I returned home, Rari came over carrying a cat! Aha… that’s what’s all the fuzz is about! We talked back and forth and it turned out, Rari was supposed to buy the kitten from Suad eventually. Rari just felt it had to be sooner. I told him in a funny sarcastic tone, a joke, that “I also want one!”
He told me, can you keep the cat here tonight as I cant have it in my appartment? Not being particularly fond of cats at all, I said yes for reasons unknown. He looked quite quite. 2½ months old kitten. I said yes. That turned out to be a big big mistake short term. Long term – well stay tuned till the end.
The first night he wasn’t mine.
It was time to sleep, the cat had gotten some food and water and was seemingly happy about that. As I went to bed, so did the cat, curious about my every move. I laid down in the bed only to find the cat attempting to crawl under my blanket, I was affraid I would roll on to him so I kept removing him or preventing him from entering. Eventually he placed himself on my head. I now had a purr-generator and speaker directly above my ear. Dat thing is loud cat! oh, Rari’s son called the kitten “Bruno” which means “brown-one” The cat is grey with black stripes and very a little brownish patch.
Every hour, Bruno would move, which in turn woke me up. I did not sleep very well the first night, and I thought it would be the only night as the cat was not intended to become mine, and honestly, I did not want a cat. He was cool in so many other ways that overshadowed the bad-sleep-issues.
The day after Rari arrived and picked up the cat. I thought that was it. No more cat. However, he returned with it shortly after stating the cat had scratched his six year old son and attacked his 2 year old daughter so he did not want the cat. “Now he is yours.” I was like aa whataaaat? But you said yesterday you also wanted a cat. I did not put up much of a fight and accepted the cat.
Second night of no sleep
Ra was all over the place at night time. It would appear, this kitten has not found its preferable position, so he moves around alot, waking me every time. He sleeps on my eyes, ears and whatever else “me” is sticking out of the blanket. It was another bad nights sleep.
11 days of bad sleep
This continued for 11 days and eventually, the lack of sleep affected my mood. It had already been affected after 2 days. I found myself getting more and more annoyed by the bullshit cats do 50% of the time they are awake, which is around 2% of the time. To sum it up, a cats life is:
1% destroy stuff hunt stuff
1% Eat stuff
Bedroom becomes of limits.
After day 11 I had enough of not sleeping properly. Even napping during daytime would be interrupted by Mr. Ra, I blocked the doorway (with no door but a drape) with some of my solar panels to prevent the cat from entering. He struggled getting in, miawing like crazy…. Oh well, I slept 😀
The next morning the cat was waiting for me, jumping into my lap as soon as I sat down, miawing and purring. All the sadness from not being able to sleep on my heard turned to happiness to see me.
This continues for a week aproximately. A week in which he learns the meaning of “No”
No! means No! Yes… really NO!
The cat would claw at things, beg for food, steal food of my plate and attempt to take it directly from the BBQ, that cost him his “above eye whiskers” on the left eye. He now only had 3 whiskers on the right eye. He now stays away from the BBQ..
Of course I yelled “NO!” at him each time he would start scratching stuff. Obviously he did not understand me as he kept clawing at my couch. I did what a cat mom would do, grab in neck skin and lift him someplace else. While doing so I said NO…NO…NO
I put him down, he walks back to the couch and claws at it agian…… ARGH!
Repeating the neck-move did not prove particularly effective the 2 times I did it. I got pissy with him. Last time, Neck grab…NO..NO…splash half a liter of water in his face…NO NO put him down. He ran outside, very wet and never clawed at that paricular couch again. 5 couches and chairs remaining…
I had to repeat the water thing a few times with various other issues. Such as exiting the door to the outside when I did not want it. I had to move him away from the door each time I wanted to exit my home without him. So eventually I taught him, to not cross the doorway when I say no.
He also exits my bedroom if I say no the moment his head pops up under the drapes. He then tries to sneak in when I am not looking, well he did try that, he stopped, because, he got wet each time 😀
Now, he asks permission to enter in his own passive way. He pokes his head through the drape and searches for eye contact. If I look at him saying no, he leaves, If I look at him saying nothing, he enters. Quite practical. He no longer sneaks under the bed if I don’t spot him.
What has the cat learned?
Well, he now backs away from whatever he is doing if I say no. I have to say it three times. First time the cat looks at me, then I stare at him and say no…..NO! and then he purrs the funniest “bah… screw you for not letting me destroy you couch” -purr and runs away.
I can open the door and go in and out, he will stop and not run out unless I carry him 5 cm over the doorstep. Quite convenient! If I say no while opening the door he does his purr and walks away.
He comes when I call him. I said the word “Ra” while rattling his favorite food infront of him. Each time I yelled “Ra” he would react, eventually also without food.
If I am in the garden and he is not to be seen, if I call him and he is within range he will arrive in 2-3 minuttes after calling. Usually leaping from some bush 😀
My neighbours eyed the cat in disbelief when I called him to me, it is apparantly not normal for a cat to come on command. What do I know about cats though? Not much so who am I to argue whats normal or not with a cat? The cat had been in my neighbors garden all day long playing with her daughter. when I called him he left 🙂 Good dog!
Where the fuck is my……. I am sure I put it here…..
Now it, time to teach the cat to play fetch… maybe he can fetch all the stuff that he is hoarding under my couch…. He grabs random objects and moves them under the couch. In the beginning I did not know he was doing this. So, suddenly I would miss an object unable to find it. The last place I would store stuff is under my couch so it was the last place I looked. What did I find when I finally looked in there?
-toiletpaper roll confetti…. yes, he stole my last TP roll and tore it up. It caused a moment of stress when visiting the toilet.. I mean you sit there, you just put on the last roll the day before and you know there is TP… and then there is not. Naturally you think “huh? did I not put a roll there yesterday? I am certain!…”
-a few socks
-a mouse trap
-some clawed up cigarettes
-a half smoked homerolled cigarette resembling a joint.
plus some other random things that had suddenly gone lost..
So, the next lecture is: “Dear Ra, why do you not go check your stash and fetch me a lighter?”
End of part 1 the cat made good use of the joint he found.
No joint was harmed during the making of this photo
No joint was harmed during the making of this photo